Dad pulls 15-year-old daughter out of gymnastics against his wife's wishes in order to protect her when he discovers why she wants to leave the sport: 'She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 20, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Parenting is generally viewed as something that is a team effort, both parents presenting as a united front in order to be unified in communicating to the kids that the decision that has been made is the "right" one, even if it's for reasons they don't understand, presenting as calm and consistent to provide a sense of stability.

But let's be real here, it's just not possible for two people to agree on something all the time. Especially in any relationship that I've ever seen, where's the fun in being so agreeable?

And, to this point, most of us probably had that parent, whether it was mom or dad, who would present the united front in the moment but then be more real with us on the down low. And you can say what you want about that being toxic and undermining the other parent, but when you were a kid, especially a teenager, it just felt good to have someone who was willing to level with you and talk things through.

While this mother has a point, and the family has spent a significant amount towards the daughter's extracurricular activities, sometimes you need to be able to look past that sunk cost for your child's well-being. Speaking from experience here, you realize when you get older that there is a very real future cost to doing intense athletics at a high level, both in terms of time that could have been spent studying and physically. Pain is a teacher whose guidance you should always heed. Commitments are important, and learning to honor them is an important lesson in building character… but every rule needs its exceptions. Sometimes you need to part with things in order to make room for new opportunities.

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  • 01
    An amateur gymnast competes on the balance beam
    via Naveen Ketterer

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    "WIBTA if I withdrew my daughter from sports against my wife’s wishes."

    My daughter (15f) is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing because her body hurts, she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies. She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year.
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  • 03
    My wife (43f) is against it because my daughter's season just started and she made a commitment to the team and she should see it through. We also spent $1,800 this summer on camps and sessions to help her get better. She thinks my daughter will be become lazy and want to hang out with friends and her chores and school work will suffer.
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  • 04
    I (43m) understand my wife's point about the commitment to the team and the money. I also understand my daughters point about being sore as I used to be weightlifter and wanting to be more active in high school. I am
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  • 05
    trying to find middle ground but I don't think it exists. My gut is to protect my daughter and withdraw her but I know it will put me in the dog house big time. I feel stuck between a rock and hard place.
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  • 06
    Update: thanks everyone for their advice. My daughter is much happier, she took up theatre and had a leads role In the school plays. She is much happier.
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  • 07
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I withdrew my daughter from gymnastics. My wife wanted her to stay in and finish the season.
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  • 08
    When I moved out of my mom's house, I took my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport. The passport I've had paid like $200 for recently I asked her if she had my high school diploma and if I could have it so I could get back into school she said that she would look, but she got really mad that I had my own birth certificate,
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  • 09
    Social Security card and passport and said that they aren't mine legally they are and I told her that she says that I can get a copy but I can't have the originals and I need to give them back. I told her no she's more than welcome to get a copy but as for the originals,
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  • 10
    they are mine she doesn't need them unless she's trying to do fraudulent stuff. I told her if she can get me a copy that's fine but I will not pay for it. I heard it's a tricky process and I don't want to do that because I have the originals anyway to sum it up. I
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  • 11
    ended up telling her I'm not going to give you my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport especially the passport since I paid for it because she has no necessity or legal right to it.
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  • 12
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I told my mom I would be keeping my birth certificate, Social Security card and passport. She said that they aren't mine and that I need to give them back. I feel like it
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  • 13
    could be the asshole because she did birth me but at the end of the day it is my passport and birth certificateand Social Security card and she wouldn't need them in any sort of circumstances because I am completely independent now
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  • 14
    A gymnast competes in a red leotard while doing a handstand on a balance beam
    via Getty Images

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 15
    NTA [deleted] >My daughter (15f) is a competitive gymnast. Her team travels all over the country to compete. She is a sophomore in High school and wants to stop competing because her body hurts, she is at the gym 14 hours a week, she lacks the drive and passion for the sport and she wants to do more high school things and concentrate on her studies. She is a honor roll student and takes AP classes in sophomore year. Your daughter no longer has a passion for gymnastics and wants to prepare for he
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  • 16
    NTA Lisbei Also, listen to your daughter. Her reasons for wanting to stop the sport are valid. Forget about the money, that's gone. And about her behaviour, I'm kind of shocked that your wife doesn't believe in her own daughter - really, an honor roll AP student isn't going to change overnight. It sounds like your wife is one of those dance moms, only for gymnastics. Just reread - logically, at the start of the season is the second best time to pull out of the team (the best time would be at the
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  • 17
    NTA. Wishyouamerry The $1800 is gone, no matter what. It's not coming back. So you can be out $1800 and have a miserable, resentful child or you can be out $1800 and have a happy, balanced child. As for the commitment to the team, it happens. Yes, it's important to honor your obligations but it's also important to learn that you don't have to sacrifice yourself for others. If your daughter is no longer on this team, are we talking about girls that won't be able to make it to the Olympics because
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  • 18
    NTA notdancingQueen Her body hurts. At 16 Let me repeat, louder, for your wife: your child's, 16 year old body is hurting. Do you, as a parent, willingly accept your child's hurts when they're due to something not needed nor wanted? That's reason enough to justify retiring, I'm sorry. I know it comes hand in hand with competitive sports, but it's her body and her peace of mind. Both need to last for at least 60 more years Let her be a normal teenager for once in her life.
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  • 19
    Efficient_Poetry_187 I get where you're both coming from, but you have to put your kid first. You're her advocate. I would also sit down and have a longer conversation with your daughter about her feelings towards gymnastics. It's very possible that she has been feeling this way for a while but was afraid to say anything, or didn't want to disappoint anyone. Her mental and physical health should come before any else. Also from a safety perspective, if her heart isn't in it then your daughter is
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  • 20
    mochimmy3 I was like your daughter back in middle school. I wanted to quit gymnastics to focus on school and have more free time, my body was in pain with severe tendinitis, I lacked the drive etc. My mom don't want me to quit but eventually she let me and I've never really regretted it. After quitting I did other sports like cheerleading and diving. Edited to add: NTA. Your daughter should be able to make this decision herself and she is old enough to know what she wants. She is also getting to
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  • 21
    PoppysWorkshop NTA - If her body hurts it is trying to warn her something is wrong. Your wife is the AH, as it seems only to do with money. If your daughter continues, and injures herself, or worse permanently has health issues because of not stopping it will cost a LOT more money and pain. If being lazy is a concern, then a talk about what she will do instead is in order. My eldest daughter did ballet from age 3 to 16. Just before her 17th she said, she was tired, her joints hurt, her feet were
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  • 22
    _s1m0n_s3z NTA. No, you do not crucify your daughter because 'commitment'. High level gymnastics is torture if you're not into it; and likely often also when you are. It's painful and can lead to life-long injury. She should be out as soon as she says she wants out. 1~1~ As for the team, if your daughter drops out, it is likely that some other girl who wants it more will get her chance to compete. It's selfish for someone who doesn't want to be there and isn't going on with the sport to take up
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  • 23
    NTA Hawk833 If she leaves the program wouldn't she have more time to put towards school work AND normal high school activities/social life? She is already on the Honor Roll while doing this intense program. Did your daughter, not want to rejoin and she was forced or pressured into it?
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  • 24
    [deleted] NTA your daughter's health and happiness should come first, and if she's in pain and wants to focus on school, that's important. While your wife has valid concerns about commitment and money, supporting your daughter's choice is the right thing to do
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